Healing is a process. Forgiveness is a process. Spiritual author Jeff Brown eloquently speaks of forgiveness that rises organically as being real and deeply rooted rather than the willing of forgiveness which to me feels grim and determined and sometimes carries strings that are attached. In my own experience of a lifetime of working on forgiving myself and others that can only scratch the surface.
I have been wrestling with some really challenging feelings lately. I just wanted them to go away. One of the big things has been how do I move forward in my own healing, with the raw and honest exploration of how I have been shaped and continue to be shaped from the past? How do I do this without hurting others who may not be ready for this? This has created a sense of constriction and sadness, anger, fear, you name it.
See how much fun this is! This perhaps explains the massive mind numbing in our culture.
This morning on the cushion where I spend much time adoring God, raging at God, wrestling with God, begging, thanking and just crying in the presence of God, I just let all this stuff be. It’s okay. It’s okay that I cannot fix this, of course, what the hell was I thinking! There was also a strong sense of being grounded in guidance of Spirit.
And then. One conversation. One powerful, honest, extremely uncomfortable, deep listening, hearing, affirming, healing, loving conversation.
Mom, you are my hero and one of the strongest people I know. I love you.